Half-Naked Illinois Man Takes Selfies on Porch (GRAPHIC VIDEO)

Whatever you do, don't watch the video. Save yourself. Run while you can. A doorbell cam shows a half-naked Illinois man showed up on a stranger's porch and proceeded to take the worst selfies in photographic history.

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WARNING: If you press play, your eyes will never forgive you. I'm still trying to recover. This happened in Lynwood, Illinois. Here's what the homeowner said about this most unusual guest:

On Friday, January 21, 2022 this strange half-naked gentleman was caught by my doorbell camera posing for selfies on my front porch. On that evening it was 14 degrees outside. At the date and time of the video my home was the only well lit porch in a community of new development, which is still under construction. This man apparently seized the opportunity to have the perfect lighting for his selfies. The local police were called while the incident took place. However, the police arrived a couple of minutes too late to catch the gentleman.

Again, I'm warning you. DO NOT PRESS PLAY. Your phone/laptop/life may self-destruct if you do. You're going to press play, aren't you? OK. Have it your way. I tried to warn you.

What was he doing? I have some theories and they are as follows:

1. Making Christmas cards for the criminally insane.

2. Planning to run for Illinois governor and he needs his picture for the posters.

3. Wants good pics so he can be the "butt" of everyone's jokes.

If he's going after #3, he's well on his way. As for me, I'm going to try and find some saline to wash my eyes out. If only I could do the same for my memories...