Some say that a zombie apocalypse is inevitable. I don't know about that, but I do know I'd prefer to not be in St. Louis, Missouri if/when it begins. If you don't have the option to not be there, I can help you not survive with a little help from my friends.

The Centers for Disease Control got everyone riled up over a decade ago when they shared official guidelines for the upcoming zombie apocalypse. They were (I think) trying to make the point that preparing for that would prepare you for just about any other emergency. People like me took it to mean the government knew the zombie apocalypse was real.

It was likely that CDC thing that inspired an absolutely hilarious post on the St. Louis, Missouri sub-Reddit. The person who shared the original post appears to have deleted their name which is a shame as they deserve a medal or something. Their "The St. Louis Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse" is a must-read. Here are some highlights:

  • They advise that you don't try to hide in Busch Stadium since it's open air and easy for the zombies to break into.
  • Don't go into the arch since the zombies would likely find a way to push it over.
  • They advise to stay away from Monsanto as they probably started the zombie apocalypse in the first place (hilarious).
  • They say you should stay away from The Magic House because of how terrifying it will be once the zombies enter.
  • The person says you should head to the river because that will be an easy way to shoot zombies who can't swim.
  • Head to the Lemp Mansion since even the zombies are too afraid to go in there.

It's truly a shame this person chose to be anonymous as the entire post is comedy genius. If you want to be prepared (or not) for the imminent zombie apocalypse in St. Louis, it's a must-read.

Look at this Gorgeous Missouri Horse Farm Near the Mississippi

Gallery Credit: Christine Thompson, Janet McAfee, Land

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